driiskii (driiskii) wrote in clean_n_sober,
driiskii
driiskii
clean_n_sober

contemplation

I feel like I have been here before, I am sort of recovering addict and I think the oxymoronic part of that statment is the sort of but hey lets go with it. It all started in 2005 when I first tried coke. I was fifteen and I loved it. Got caught went to rehab was clean for a year. Met some new people began smoking pot regularly went to rehab, left rehab cause I hated my counselor. Met a girl began smoking pot her mom used to get alot of pain killers therefore so did her daughter and I, begged my friends not to introduce her to coke, they did began doing that with her graduated highschool in 2007 things got good atfirst then my relationship went sour we let go on for alot longer than it should've because we were feeding eachother. Went into a half way house, discovered AA got a sponsor, got kicked out of the half way house because I couldnt follow rules. My sponsor relapsed called me for coke and crack and everything else. so I never went back to AA I began using coke more frequently and I began to shoot it up, The guy that introduced me to drugs to IV means apparently was lacing my shots with heroin.. and to this day i dont know why... I got addicted to heroin... almost lost everything... detoxed in my bed and I was clean for a bit.. then I met another girl and she loved coke too and she also had alot of money she was willing to spend on me... therefore my habit began again... I then met this kid Neeks and we were just smoking buddies until the day he began dabbling in MDMA and I dabbled along too... everything went bad, he bugged out threatend to kill me proceeded to steal someones gun and went to jail... I meet this amazing girl and I'm still smoking, she inspires me and loves me and wants me to do good for myself and nonbody else... I apply to college get accepted... we fight here and there and I have sporadicly dabbled from time to time... but I feel like I need to get clean completely because our fights usually revolve around my pot use or my coke use or my over alcohol use... I am in a tought spot because I know what I wanna do partly and what i should do and what the other part of me wants to do... and I feel so distrought because of it... im really in need of some clear headed advice.. altought i feel like i already know i guess i just need reinforcement
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