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Just do the next right thing.... [04 Nov 2015|12:59pm]

[ mood | confused ]

Originally posted by bryceee1189 at Just do the next right thing....

Man, when it rains, it pours! Trying to clean up my life is definitely a challenging task, or at least it seems to be the case today. All I keep telling myself is just do the next right thing, and God will take care of me. I finally got through my court date; 12 months probation and random drug tests and treatments of their discretion. My probation officer called me this morning and says she's going to be doing my home inspection this afternoon, and tomorrow I have to drive down to Salt Lake to meet with her to discuss the terms of my supervision. I know I have nothing to hide, but I'm still extremely nervous about it all. I suppose that's normal?

After meeting a friend for coffee this morning, I drive back home and as soon as I pull in the driveway, I suddenly get extremely light headed and start shaking uncontrollably. I look in the mirror and I'm sheet white. I immediately tested my blood sugar and ate a piece of french toast, but my blood sugar was normal and eating didn't really help. So I set my alarm for 1:30 and then decide to lay down and see if taking a nap would help. After just falling asleep, my phone rings, with a number I'm not familiar with. Thinking it could be my probation officer, I answer it, and it's a private investigator looking for me! He said he has a court summons for me; fortunately he said it's a civil matter and not a criminal one, and that it's likely a bill that's just gone into collections. So we're meeting tomorrow (hopefully) so he can give me that paper and then I can try to get it figured out.

Lastly, the lady whom I'm painting a picture for texts me and tells me she needs it by Monday, as in 5 days from now. I've been working on it in small chunks as my health will allow, and I didn't know I was working on a time frame here. But my savings account will welcome that money for sure. Slowly starting to feel the pressure, when all I'm trying to do is the next right thing. That's all I can do, right?

Is this what sobriety is like for everyone? I know in comparison to where I could be, these are good problems to have, and that all I can do is turn it over to God and just continue to do the next right thing, but I'm not going to lie, this all feels extremely overwhelming!
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[28 Mar 2014|08:34am]

I am trying to stay sober just for today.  I'll have 3 months next Wednesday but it seems like I won't make it.  I just need support right now and words of encouragement.  I've turned to people in the program but it seems like it isn't working.  I don't want to use or drink, i'm at a lose right now.  Help please.
4 comments|post comment

I FORGOT TO ANNOUNCE!!! [29 Jan 2014|09:21pm]

I was too busy fighting with Financial Aid and the beginning of the semester I totally forgot until now...

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My First Year! [16 Jan 2014|06:58pm]

A year ago today I bought my last bottle of vodka. I had some left from the night before and finished it. I didn't quite feel like it was enough, so I went to get another one (granted, by this point, I was already slightly buzzed and drove to the store to get it). It was 10 in the morning and I had to be at work at 11 that night. So I could drink til noon, then sleep it off. But I wasn't done with the bottle by noon. I kept drinking. As long as I had 8 hours of sleep, I was good to go. I could wake up at 9:30, so that gave me another hour and a half. But I didn't finish it by 1:30. Parts of the day are fuzzy, but I'm willing to bet I fell asleep and woke up and drank more.

By the time I got to work, I was still drunk. In fact, I was so drunk that I was shaking, and felt like I would throw up. Bad thing is... I work at an NHP station, and had driven across town to be there... drunk off my ass.

5 days later I attended my first meeting.

Read more...Collapse )
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Hi my name is kellie and i am a addict. [14 Nov 2013|12:48am]

[ mood | excited ]

Hi my name is Kellie and im a addict. I am 28. I am currently ten months clean i have been going to NA for two months now i got clean while being in jail. I am currently just starting intensive outpatient and just started working. I have not worked in nearly 3 years so im just getting used to being back and playing a role in the real world. before that i was what i once thought was cool a drug addicted drug dealer;; if that makes any sense. But anyway i am looking to share and learn experiences with like minded people. sometimes i could use the help and sometimes id love to be the one helping. so hi im here for anyone who wants to get to know me! thanks for letting me share.

2 comments|post comment

New [13 Nov 2013|12:37am]

My name is Emily, I'm 21 and I am 154 days (5 months) clean from an 8 year-long opiate addiction. I've been on LJ before, but not for a while, and lately I've been finding it more useful to talk to other addicts. So, I'm back on LJ and have created this recovery journal. If anybody would like to add me, I'd enjoy the company and discussion. Otherwise, hello to you all, and good luck!
2 comments|post comment

VIVITROL [31 Jul 2013|01:29am]

Hello, I hope everyone is well. I'm looking to see if anyone has any PERSONAL experience with the Vivitrol shot, and if so, what the experience was like? Did it help? What side effects did you or your close family member/friend experience? Any information at ALL (other than what I just found after hours going from link to link on google--- in other words, I know the basics, I'm just looking for personal experiences here)

Thank You!

x posted a bit
1 comment|post comment

VIVITROL [31 Jul 2013|01:29am]

Hello, I hope everyone is well. I'm looking to see if anyone has any PERSONAL experience with the Vivitrol shot, and if so, what the experience was like? Did it help? What side effects did you or your close family member/friend experience? Any information at ALL (other than what I just found after hours going from link to link on google--- in other words, I know the basics, I'm just looking for personal experiences here)

Thank You!

x posted a bit
post comment

sooo [21 Apr 2013|07:43pm]

Originally posted by frootloop82182 at sooo
well i have 1 year clean off drugs you would think i would be happy and i am for the most part i am a single mom of two a 5 year old and a 5 month old i found out i was prego affter i decided to get clean i am happy to be home for my kids and being a good mom to them but i miss having friends and having a good time the other day i drank and thought about using again i didnt but i did not act responsible so i am gussing i need to quit drinking to which is fine i dont make the best choices
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My name is Alonzo Cox [15 Apr 2013|01:27am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Now that i have gotten a little familiar with this site, I wanted to properly introduce myself. If you look at my profile you will see that i aspire to be a writer one day, probably in the fantasy, science fiction, horror, or comedy genre. Right now I work at a Crisis Center for UPMC, a hospital conglomerate it Pittsburgh. I am a Peer Specialist. A Peer Specialist in my case is a person in recovery who supports people with Mental Health Challenges and/or Substance Use Disorders. I took this job because i myself have been clean and sober for 13 years now, my anniversary is on July 15th. I am sending this out because i am willing to offer support to anyone who may just need someone to run things by. I have come to find that this is a thankless profession and so i don't do it for the money or the Kudos, but to really give back what was freely given to me. After the years of abuse that i put my body through i now have a pacemaker, so i know that i don't have another run in me, that is why part of my recovery process is being there for anyone who is still suffering. I also have a Mental Health Diagnosis, so i am a good counselor to talk to. I have also been trained to provide support for anyone who has had trouble with the Criminal Justice System, who are finding it hard to reintergrate into society. And i work with people in crisis everyday, trying to support people who are going through tragedies that may have been unexpected. I know this is a social networking site and sometimes we feel like we need to have fun and games, but sometimes people may be suffering, and there is no need to suffer in silence. At the Crisis Center we try to encourage people to call before a crisis becomes a crisis. I have learned that a relapse does not begin at the time you return to past actions, but the thought process that proceeds it. I am looking for a lot of different communties on this site, and even though i like to laugh and joke and create beautiful worlds. if you ever need someone to chat with you can friend me on Facebook, drop a post here, or send a message to my personal email. I will check all of these resources periodically. It's good to have fun, but please don't suffer in silence... there are plenty of people out there who are willing to listen.

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Books? [03 Mar 2013|02:05am]


Does anyone know of any good memoirs about alcohol/drug addiction that they can recommend?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

5 comments|post comment

Late night clock ticking. [24 Feb 2013|01:25am]


Sooooo me, the person with ALL these major fucking issues, gets a job at a drug & alcohol treatment center dealing with people with all these major fucking issues...yeaaaaa. Go figure! Wtf is wrong with me?!!!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

2 comments|post comment

Pin Drop [11 Feb 2013|12:13am]


Working graveyard at a treatment facility alone and its quiet as a mouse and there's no work to be done...no one to talk to...gonna be a looooooong night...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Loss of Dignity [03 Feb 2013|09:11am]

Loss of Dignity: "When a person has lost their dignity, there is a hole filled with despair, humiliation and self hatred, filled with emptiness, shame and disgrace, filled with loss and isolation and Hell. It's a deep dark horrible hole, and that hole is where people like me live our sad, screwed-up, dignity free, inhuman lives and where we die, alone, miserable, wasted and forgotten."
2 comments|post comment

Idiot Alert! [26 Jan 2013|03:07am]


So I finally figured out why I haven't gotten any comments on my posts, I was only posting to my own journal by accident, duh. Hopefully now someone will actually see what I've been writing. LOL .....

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

1 comment|post comment

10 years... [21 Jan 2013|09:33am]

[ mood | accomplished ]

Note, this post and the post I link too are about heroin and use and relapse and other possible triggers. it means a lot to me if anyone reads all of both posts but if you can't don't.

Today marks 10 years clean off heroin... wow.
i wrote somthing 5 years ago. It still fits.

Over the past 5 years a lot has changed, my little sister found a great man got married.
My daughter hasn't stopped growing. Cancer seems to be lying dormant and it's nice.

This past year has been the hardest. Depression hit, I wasn't supported but treated badly for my depression. Dumped and thrown out and replaced with something 10 years younger than me.
Suicidal, broken and wishing for death. Not even 2 weeks ago I thought about relapsing and taking that sweet horrible drug into my veins so I can't feel the pain anymore. I wanted it to end.
I almost went back to heroin... It was hard for me not too but I pushed passed it.

I've been in a new fresh relationship for a few days... what we have isn't what I had with my husband but what we have is what I need right now and it works well.

Life is hard, I would have regretted using when I hit that low. I know I would have. I was so close to this 10 year mark. IT FEELS GREAT to have hit it.

10 years clean....
Who'd have thought I'd make it this far.

Stay Up, Stay Kind, Stay Alive, Ride Free.

4 comments|post comment

New Member [27 Sep 2012|11:11am]

Hello Everyone,
        I'm a new member to the community I just joined today...I'm a recovering addict of pain pills...I did anything everything to get my next high....it started about 5 years ago off and on and I ending up getting my self in trouble with the law by stealing pain patches from my job and got fired. I thought I learned my lesson.....Stop for about 1 year and then picked my habit back up my stealing pain pills from friends and family members, then I started to buy them. Stop for awhile then started back up again it got so bad that my husband told me that I wasn't aloud to take any cash so I found others ways to get cash...first I cashed in all my jewelry when all that was gone....I would go into the apartment down stairs and take jewelry from my neighbor...my addiction got so bad that I lost control and just didn't care anymore I got caught coming out of the my neighbor house and I was arrested and have charges pressed against and I'm still dealing with the process of court...but I can say that was my rock bottom..

            My husband was going to leave me and take my daughter away from me...but alot of people talked to  him and told him to get me another chance. After I find out what is going to happen to me in court I'm suppose to be going away to a rehab place called Teen challenge (its Faith Based Rehab program)  but my husband just told me that he doesn't want me to go away for a year...the program is 12-14 months long. So I am looking into an out patient program called P.A.C.E which is 5 days a week and I think it's 8hrs a day but I'm not really to sure I think it all depends on how bad your addiction is.

       We had to move out of apartment because our landlord evicted us so we are living with my husband grandparents. So I spend my time reading my bible, praying, church and spending has much time with my daughter because I don't know what my future hold but my god Does.  I have a court date tomorrow but all I'm doing is pleading not guilty...and they will give me a court date for my case review.

             I have been cleaned since July 6th (which was the day I got arrested) I am also going through a transformation because I am getting a top denture plate and losing weight.I don't feel tired anymore and I have a lot more energy. I also turned my negative addiction into a positive addiction by blogging. I'm blogging my denture journey on you tube and I'm blogging my addiction recovery on here.  I know that me talking to other people with the same issues that I have will help me along my way....

Thanks for reading!
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stop cigs, now what? [31 Aug 2012|12:16pm]

when i was heavily using i also smoked a lot of cigarets. i've been sober for over 6 months now but haven't had a smoke all day. yeah, i had really bad detox from my d.o.c. but i didn't quit smoking. almost, but not quite. i'm on a 7day cleanse--no pop, sugar, gluten or cigs. now that its been 24 hours since i've had a smoke i'm not sure what to do after eating! help me? what do you do after getting rid of all of this?
4 comments|post comment

[19 Apr 2012|09:08pm]

Can't seem to keep it together longer than a month or so before I fall down again. Can't even find a tolerable excuse this time. So I have to find another way out of this trap before I drink myself into an early grave. I feel like such a dumbass. I'm sorry to those that have commented and offered a caring hand. Don't know what to do anymore.
3 comments|post comment

contemplation [30 Dec 2011|08:57am]
I feel like I have been here before, I am sort of recovering addict and I think the oxymoronic part of that statment is the sort of but hey lets go with it. It all started in 2005 when I first tried coke. I was fifteen and I loved it. Got caught went to rehab was clean for a year. Met some new people began smoking pot regularly went to rehab, left rehab cause I hated my counselor. Met a girl began smoking pot her mom used to get alot of pain killers therefore so did her daughter and I, begged my friends not to introduce her to coke, they did began doing that with her graduated highschool in 2007 things got good atfirst then my relationship went sour we let go on for alot longer than it should've because we were feeding eachother. Went into a half way house, discovered AA got a sponsor, got kicked out of the half way house because I couldnt follow rules. My sponsor relapsed called me for coke and crack and everything else. so I never went back to AA I began using coke more frequently and I began to shoot it up, The guy that introduced me to drugs to IV means apparently was lacing my shots with heroin.. and to this day i dont know why... I got addicted to heroin... almost lost everything... detoxed in my bed and I was clean for a bit.. then I met another girl and she loved coke too and she also had alot of money she was willing to spend on me... therefore my habit began again... I then met this kid Neeks and we were just smoking buddies until the day he began dabbling in MDMA and I dabbled along too... everything went bad, he bugged out threatend to kill me proceeded to steal someones gun and went to jail... I meet this amazing girl and I'm still smoking, she inspires me and loves me and wants me to do good for myself and nonbody else... I apply to college get accepted... we fight here and there and I have sporadicly dabbled from time to time... but I feel like I need to get clean completely because our fights usually revolve around my pot use or my coke use or my over alcohol use... I am in a tought spot because I know what I wanna do partly and what i should do and what the other part of me wants to do... and I feel so distrought because of it... im really in need of some clear headed advice.. altought i feel like i already know i guess i just need reinforcement
23 comments|post comment

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